"It’s ok, I wasn’t particularly fond of my kneecaps anyway" I think but dare not say in fantastically British manner. I’m sitting on a nine hour coach journey from Sharm-el-Sheikh to Cairo surrounded by the most miserable collection of people I’ve ever met, which isn’t surprising as its also the most Russians I’ve ever met. The particular Russian grump sat on the seat in front decides he wants to recline a little at the expense of my kneecaps without even so much as a polite warning glance. But what can you expect, he clearly hadn’t had the British middle-class suburban upbringing I had. Even if I had be asked to give up 6 inches of my space for the benefit of his comfort all I would have done is smile and cheerfully remark “yeah, no worries” as though his request had been overly polite for my liking. At least that way I would have felt like the leg numbing pain was partly a result of my own actions.
Etiquette is often such a pointless concept usually dreamt up by the middle-classes to distinguish themselves from any subordinate class. It even fails to do this these days with any Tom, Dick, or Harry who’s seen Titanic knowing the order cutlery usage - start on the outside and work your way in, according to Leo. The trouble is they’re all unbearably old-fashioned; with the exception of the occasional Hyacinth Bucket, who gives a shit how you hold your knife and fork?
What etiquette needs is a modern overhaul which focuses on the precise things that actually affect us like the reclining of coach and plane seats. It could specify where its appropriate to sit on an almost empty bus, a general public transport etiquette would be just perfect. Just the other day I was one of two sat on a bus when a third party came and took the seat next to me, I was livid, seething, turning red with rage why would he commit such a social faux pas? Doesn’t he know the rules? I didn’t say anything. It wasn’t my place. But had he known the disruption he had caused to my day…well… I shouldn’t expect he would have slept well at all that night. And all this could have been avoided by some kind of public transport finishing school, I think its time to put pen to paper and get Gordon Brown on board with my idea, or at the very least see if Channel 4 would be interested in it as a reality TV show.
Annoyingly, the worse thing about those damn reclining seats is that reclining your own chair makes bugger all difference to your comfort, it seems the single aim of the reclining seat is to piss off your foreign neighbour to the rear…on second thoughts it not such a bad idea.
